how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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