the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
