Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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