Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
