I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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