Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
