I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
