I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
