She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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