I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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