do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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