meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
