Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
