Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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