Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
