hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
