Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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