with your own penis?
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
