Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
