My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
