I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
