I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
