i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dignity is for republicans.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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