I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize