I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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