they need to just BURY HIM!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize