you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
