goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
