just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
