My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Watching her eat just hurts me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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