omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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