wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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