the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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