I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
