When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize