What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
