We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
