and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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