Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I deserve this hangover.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
