My sheets look like a crime scene.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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