happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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