I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
