Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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