Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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