I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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