Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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