i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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