what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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