I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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