I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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