I just pynch a tree in the face
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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