I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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