did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
