you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
