Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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