Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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