I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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