Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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