hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
