I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
