Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
