Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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