I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize