He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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