just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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