I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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