I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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