I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize