i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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