So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
