"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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