who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Can I color on your dick again?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
