check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
