He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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