you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
did you just send me my own nude
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
