just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
